How do you find a “good woman” these days?
This is a question that sooo many young right-wing men are DYING to find the answer to right now – really – most all men are, though it is no doubt all the more of a dire situation to the more masculine Christian men out there that naturally and instinctually hunger and thirst to create, lead, and protect a wholesome family.
As a Bible-believing woman, I do not believe it is my place to “instruct” or “preach” to men, so I have been hesitant to write this post. Since I am constantly asked what my womanly opinion is on this “struggle”, my aim is to do just that in this post – just humbly sharing my view of this “struggle” as a Christian woman.
First, let me clarify what I mean by a “good woman”. This “good woman” I am talking about is the woman that real men are longing to find and MARRY – this is a woman in pursuit of marriage and wholesome family rearing. I am not speaking of a woman that is merely “good” by today's social norms and standards and I am NOT discussing “how to find a good date”, “one-night-stand”, or anything of that sort.
Second, I cannot stress enough that the question, “How do you find a ‘good woman'?” is really answered to a great extent by asking, “Why is it so hard to find a ‘good man'?” So many details I could list here that greatly affect your search for a “good woman” are already hashed out in my post “Why Is It So Hard To Find A “Good Man?” Please give it a read if today’s post is something that you hunger for more information on.
To jump right in, I thought it would be best if my husband, Marshall, shared his advice first and foremost on this topic – since he is a MAN that has gone through and past this struggle – then I will womanly view in hopes it can and support his sound advice. Before I asked him for what his advice would be for men in this “struggle” – I thought it would be helpful to know what he generally hears male friends complain about concerning this topic, so first I asked, “What are the biggest complaints you hear from conservative/ right-wing male friends when it comes to the topic of “finding a good woman”? He answered very quickly what came to his mind first and said he hears, “There aren’t any good women,” and that, “Women don’t want good men, they want to be used.” WOW… Most women wouldn't want to admit that obviously, but apparently, this is how many men are left feeling (maybe this is telling us a bit about the typical "dating games" of modern culture)... Next, I asked Marshall, “If you were still in their situation at this present time of 2020, what would be the biggest positive applications in your life toward finding a “good woman”? The following are his very to-the-point applications:
- Train your mind, body, and soul.
- Rise above the immature and shallow living/lifestyle of your distant peers. (This does not mean you should be a stiff.)
- Be confident in your own skin.
- Approach her, even when you are nervous. It never hurts to introduce yourself, ask for her name, and even compliment her if you feel obliged to.
I can certainly attest that my dear husband did these things in winning my hand. In fact, I think it would help if I shared my experience meeting my Marshall and us growing together as one – the VERY short story! Lol
Sooo many right-wing/ conservative male friends of Marshall's have said over the years since we’ve met, things like, “Well you’re just lucky you found a girl like Megan,” or, “If only I could find a woman with Megan’s mindset,” or, “If only my girlfriend thought like Megan then we could work it out – but I just don’t think this is going to work out – I’m just doomed to be single.” I will disclaim for these men that most of them aren’t normally negative individuals, they are just SUPER discouraged and distraught when they say these things. Here is the TRUTH BOMB though! Marshall did NOT find me in this "perfect mindset” and totally onboard with him like these men were assuming (frankly meaning I wasn’t really aware or thoughtful of my roots and heritage and the importance of standing up for future generations and I wasn’t at ALL interested in being politically active or even aware of how it all worked and why it is important to be active in your community in general). I will say – I did have the foundation of being a Christian and wanting to have a big wholesome family, but the point is – I wasn’t a “made pony” – we did not originally see eye-to-eye on everything! ! ! The big thing was that Marshall could tell that I was a “good woman” by the fact that I was clear about wanting to be in the relationship to MARRY - Lord willing – not to “kill time” playing around and just be his “girlfriend”. By this, he knew it was worth his time to be patient with me and invest in me. That’s something men AND women need to discern about each other early on to avoid much heartache and wasted time – if they are both truly wanting marriage and family. Lines have to be drawn and priorities made.
This is where I get to dote on my GOOD MAN for a second! :) Though I was not originally a super hardcore conservative gal and actually even had a good deal of feminist, “politically correct”, social-norm corrupted beliefs at the time we met – Marshall impressed me enough and swept me off my feet with his down-home Southern gentleman, chivalrous mannerisms and his consistent and masculine confidence he had in what he believed and was SO unquestionably passionate and genuine in his explanations of these beliefs and honorable missions that I FELL FOR HIM! And I say that proudly! It was a GOOD fall! Marshall was able to stoke what God had already written deep in my heart... He made it easy for me to embrace learning about things I was uneducated on and this made me thirst to know more and fully embrace the world view he had already found (which interestingly enough, he found at the same time that he was overcome by God’s grace and mercy and became a Christian). His personal testimony was partly how I knew so assuredly that his intentions were true and wholesome.
I did not feel “tricked” or “trained” to “think how he was thinking” (like every feminist or confused family member seems to think). It was just through Marshall being able to conduct himself and his words eloquently and introduce me to so many amazing people that thought as he did, that GOD gave me the light to finally see a perspective I had not understood before. This happened over a few years – not overnight. Gradually, everything just clicked and made sense and I knew deep down that I could N E V E R go back to thinking more naively and feel right about it.
One of the amazing people that Marshall introduced me to that blew my socks off with what quality peers and role models he surrounded himself with, was Pastor John Weaver. I really can't say enough good things about this honorable man and Pastor and how blessed we are to have him in our lives... He travels to 2 different states hours away from his home to preach every Sunday (a 10 am and a 3 pm service)! ! ! He travels the U.S. preaching! He reads Hebrew and Greek and preaches THE BIBLE - as it is - not blasphemous "social justice warrior" "pep-talk" that SO many modern-day "pastors" are preaching (some ignorantly - some just to make you feel fuzzy inside so you'll give them more money - or really the worst - just to save their own hide from any heat the secular world would give them for speaking on more hard truths in the Bible that the world actually REALLY needs to here). Pastor John Weaver has definitely received plenty of heat for standing firmly for the truth - but it hasn't stopped him! ! ! The good Lord continues to bless him and use him to spread the Holy Word! He's a certified Front Sight Firearms and Combat Instructor - black belt - traveling preacher - homesteader - obviously an amazing example of a husband and father - you name it! (Did I mention he still is/does ALL these things and he's in his 70's now!) He has seemingly endless inspiration and powerful sermons recorded on Sermon Audio and YouTube. His 12 part series on "The Family" has been one of the most helpful to me personally so far and I feel is a great starting place for men and women thirsty for God's guidance and blessing on their journey of rearing a family. (start with the fist sermon here: The Family - Part 1 - The Dominion Aspect)
What I hope you can see from this brief overview of me meeting my husband is that it is the MAN’S JOB to impress and take initiative and LEAD in the relationship! Look at mother nature! It is N A T U R A L and Biblical! Marshall not only impressed me physically/visually – he impressed me with his CONFIDENCE and his always EDUCATING and BETTERING himself mentally, physically, and spiritually. Men – my most humble opinion and view of this “struggle” we are addressing of “how to find a ‘good woman”, is that you must not be stagnant and think you will happen into that “good woman” you desire – and that you must be pursuing her in a Godly way first and foremost (read my “Why is it so hard to find a “good man?” post and listen to Pastor Weaver’s series on marriage for even more info on Godly pursuit and leadership). Lastly, I would say, it is a HUGE help if you can surround yourself with the type of friends and company that you can really be proud of introducing your future wife to. For example, being around more couples and families that embody the type of marriage (and family) you are seeking is a way more likely environment and source of connections to meet that “good woman” in than constantly just hanging out with single male friends that are running the rat-race of modern dating and bar-hopping and such. Even if you do not find your wife in this more family-oriented crowd of people – they will still be GREAT people for you to introduce your future wife to. They will help paint the beautiful family picture you are trying to explain to her you want as well as help showcase the proper wholesome values you may just be introducing this future wife of yours to.
(MAJOR HINT: CHURCH is a good place to meet “good women”! :) Just make sure you don’t fall into the deception and “weakling ways” of the many churches that are buckling to "social justice warrior" "pep-talks" and “political correctness” just so they can be seen as “good” in the world’s eyes in their desperate scrounge for more members – more MONEY. Find a real church.)
There is probably tons I have not covered that older ,wiser men and women could share, but hopefully, Marshall and I sharing some of our personal experiences on this subject and what helped us as a young couple can be a blessing to you dear reader... I want to leave you with the following quote and Bible verses that may be of some motivation and inspiration to you:
“Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men, and, weak men create hard times.” - G. Michael Hopf.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28
“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” - 1 Corinthians 11:3
“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.” - Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
Marshall and I wish the best for you dear reader in your search! God speed!
Sincerely,
Megan Elise
PS: Exactly 7 years ago today (8/30/2013) is THE DAY I first met Marshall! I remember it perfectly!
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