To all the baby mommas out there or women preparing to be mommas and especially to the first-time mommas – I want to tell you CONGRATULATIONS and that I’m here today to take a little stress off your shoulders so we can all enjoy this journey to the fullest! You’re welcome in advance! ;)
When everyone finds out you’re pregnant with your first baby - there is sooo much information thrown at you – health cautions and preaching, childcare norms, milestone standards, in-law expectations and what not... by literally EVERYONE and their brother and distantly related aunt and probably their pet cockatoo too! Seriously though, most folks are really well-meaning, it just takes the joy out of pregnancy and motherhood if you let it get to you and if you’re not careful can cause you to raise your children in a way that just “appeases people” without even realizing it. Today’s world is so saturated with the “consumer culture” of buy-buy-buy, what’s new, what’s trending, what’s highest-rated, and always – the search (addiction) continues for what’s bigger, better, newer… Okay, you get my point. So with all of that said, if you happen to be one of those people that enjoy that culture, what I am fixing to say will sound outrageous, but I challenge you to just hear me out on this perspective of LESS is MORE. You may be surprised. In the past 7 months of motherhood, I have been so thankful to learn what is actually most important to me as a mother and what our child actually needs.... There is always more to learn, but over the last 7 months, I have easily found 7 things that I have can live without and totally enjoy living without! In hopes to not offend any of you sweet friends and family that gifted many of these items, I want to add this disclaimer and a reminder that motherhood is a journey and I would have expressed my wishes for “baby supplies” differently if I had learned what I know now. Most of you know my thoughts on this by now anyways, but just sayin’ to make sure everyone knows I do appreciate your gifts, thoughtfuless, and excitement for celebrating our little girl. I’m sure everyone gets a better feel for what works for them and what doesn’t after their first baby. So, without further ado, lets jump in!
*7 things I have found that my baby does NOT actually NEED:
- 399 0-3-month size outfits… Yes, I am not even exaggerating!!! I’m sure I estimated low on this actually and this is not even counting all the 3-6 month and 6-9-month clothing… Though each gift was well-meaning and enthusiastic, it got overwhelming. It is easy to get carried away with dolling little girls up and don’t get me wrong – I LOVE that part – I just have a different spin on how I go about it now and so far, I am having a lot of fun with it! It’s up to your personal preferences of course, but for our family, what our house space accommodates, and our prioritization of quality time, I have decided thus far that I do indeed only want and need the minimal amount of clothing necessary. I am enjoying “splurging” more on the accessory end of things (bows, bonnets, etc.) that don’t take up much space, but really help to create practically endless adorable different looks and outfits. I rather have fewer high quality classical, timeless items of clothing for each stage of growth that I absolutely LOVE and will last for basically forever – than run the race to keep up with the Jones’s and always be buying the latest fads and Disney character prints and so on. Especially since I want to have many children if the Lord sees fit to bless us so, I believe taking on a more minimalist approach to clothing (and everything really) only makes sense for our family. Minimalizing and becoming more free-flowing and efficient is a fairly new journey I’ve embarked on, so if any of you more experienced sweet souls have helpful hints, I’m all ears!
- An overabundance of toys… So many children’s toys are extremely cheap low-quality plastic that will not last and just reinforces the “consumer culture”. Also, why is it “a thing” for children to basically have to have WAY too many toys for the parents to PROVE how much they love them??? I personally really appreciate and rather adore the Montessori method approach to toys and child-rearing. If you are interested in details on how to create the ultimate uncluttered, aesthetically pleasing, peaceful, yet stimulating learning environment for your child/children, I would highly suggest grabbing some books on the Montessori Method and/or searching YouTube. Our little girl perfectly enjoys the wooden, simplistic, timeless toys she has, and I’m just starting to build our collection. Presently, we do have some plastic things, but try to make sure it is at least sturdy plastic and still stick to the simple designs (Little Tikes seems to have some pretty good stuff if you are looking for sturdy plastic).
- Devices – specifically the overuse of devices… Baby bathtub/net, boppy, swing, jumper, and bumbo are devices I have decided my baby does not actually NEED and in fact could be more detrimental to her development than helpful. We do own all of these devices because they were gifts and I have just chosen to store them away for now. I've had people argue with me that these devices are super necessary for busy mom and some even strongly believe they are part of “proper baby development”. I could write a whole article just on this topic, but to keep this brief for now I will just put it this way. No fancy device or amount of “technologically advanced”, “top of the market”, “highest rated”, contraption of any sort is ever going to replace what parents are to a baby – especially a mother’s role! God designed us to be exactly what our baby needs. Until I write a piece on this topic specifically, please reach out to me with any questions and I’d be thrilled to chat about it! Or if you rather take a deep dive on your own, try researching “attachment parenting”. Babywearing is literally a game-changer!
- Lotions, creams, powders, ointments, baby shampoo… The list could go on... Most baby products – even ones that claim to be “natural” are not good for babies’ bottom or skin and are way overused. Of course, as with all these things, it’s totally personal preference, but I also just rather have way less clutter and unneeded things in my house and life, so I feel more free and less bogged down. Since I use naturally non-harsh products (ones I’ve spent time researching), my baby is perfectly happy and healthy using what I use for skincare.
- DIAPERS ! ! ! Hold up – disposables that is! Lol At 6 weeks old we made the switch cold turkey and never looked back! We LOVE cloth diapers and don’t find disposables necessary in our life – not even for traveling – we’ve got that down pat now! Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re curious about my favorite brands or any such diapering details! Cloth diapering is really not a scary, weird, or gross thing – you just have to have a good system down and it’s a breeze.
- The traditional crib… This we didn’t take down till fairly recently, but I can count less than a dozen times we ever used it for more than a laundry bin. It did look cute – that’s for sure, but I am prioritizing things that serve a purpose in our home, so the crib had to go. Again, research “attachment parenting” for some fascinating information on this topic as well, but I honestly didn’t even know what “attachment parenting” WAS and still just naturally found I had no use for the crib. The closest thing to a crib that did come in handy was a small pop-up bassinet that I do think I’ll keep for our next baby because it is handy enough and stores nicely. Our little girl has always slept either right next to me in bed with a bumper so she couldn’t roll off or right next to the bed in the pop-up bassinet (definitely in the bed 99% of the time though). Maternally I just could not wrap my mind around having her in a totally different room in an empty crib – ESPECIALLY when she was under 6 months old! Just this week I have set up a floor bed for her in her room and she has been enjoying taking naps in there, but neither of us is totally ready for her to sleep in there all by herself through the night yet, especially since Daddy is away for school right now. It just feels safer and cozier to sleep together. There is a safe way to do it and it has numerous health and emotional benefits!
- A nanny… Now, this is a service, not a thing, and I technically have known I didn’t want this for my family for forever (not just learned in the past 7 months), but it is just too big of an interwoven aspect to not list here. Skin-to-skin, face-to-face time, and quality interaction are WAY more important to me and my husband and our daughter and her development than any “extra income” we may be able to acquire if we put her in daycare and I pounded the pavement to be a career woman. I do understand there are single moms that may feel trapped and think they have no other option than public school and nannies... I am not saying any of this to shame single moms or degrade your mothering, I just have to note as a Christian that this is precisely one of the many reasons God designed there to be two parents with distinct roles… Presently, I do work from home (other than wifely and motherly duties) – as most women are practically forced to these days with how hard it has become to raise a family on one income AND I happen to basically function as a single mother right now with my husband hours away at school for the past year (only able to come home and visit a few times), AND somehow by God’s good grace our little girl and I get by just fine. We do have a supportive church community and heaven-sent neighbors that definitely make a difference. This is an extremely important and deep topic that I will definitely write a much more thorough article on in the future, but concisely said - as Christians – I believe it is not just a preference, it is our responsibility as parents to raise our children up in the admonition of the Lord ourselves and not leave it to taxpayers to support your children’s education and basically have teachers raise them for you. You have to ponder; do you really want nannies and school systems telling your children how to think and what to believe?
Every single day is truly such a gift and life is so so short; why settle for spending it how everyone else wants to see you spend it? As long as you are honestly aiming to glorify God in your child-rearing – I see nothing wrong with ignoring “norms and standards” of raising your baby. The “norms and standards” are constantly changing anyways and are usually not even in the best interest of you and your baby if you take some time to do your own research. It’s sickening how many practices were merely set in place for modern conveniences and big corporation marketing to rake in the bucks – NOT for the advancement of quality childcare (though that is how it is marketed to you!). It’s been said before, but it is not just a cliche – collect moments - not things… Spend time touching souls – not collecting material that bogs you down and literally steals time from you daily just to manage and clean and take care of it all, in turn stealing time that you could be spending with your family. The material things in our life will not go with us to heaven, the souls we touch just may, Lord willing…
God Speed,
Megan Elise
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